Superpower Reveal!

Ladies and gents, I have a superpower.

I just thought you should know.

The superpower I possess? Supersonic hearing. Or maybe you're looking for more of a layman's term; I have "Mom Ears".

"Mom Ears" enable me to wake from a deep sleep when somebody (ie, cats or a-hole dog) makes a noise in a different part of the house. This includes whining, moaning, scratching, shuffling, and snorting. Especially shuffling, snorting, and scratching in conjunction.

Again, waking from a total dead sleep to jump into action.

"Action", obviously, being me going "THE F-CK ARE YOU DOING???" and sometimes waking up my darling (also sleeping) husband.

Be warned furry children and future human children.

You can't ever be sneaky enough to get away from me. I'm a f-cking superhero.

Blogging: A for Effort?

I keep telling myself I should blog more. And then I don't. Generally because I think of AAAAMAZING blog posts in places like public restrooms and friend's dinner parties and then immediately forget them. I also do the whole "Oh, it's three am and I should be sleeping? Go, brain, go! Think of witty commentary! Plan eloquent soliloquies! Write a novel!" and then I turn on the lights and grab a pen and my brain goes "duuuuuuuhhhhh.......". 

Thanks for nothing, a-hole.

Recently I've been other people's blogs for inspiration (that's actual a lie; I mostly just look at the pictures). I've been reading people's blogs that are titled things like "I have three kids, hold down a job, hand make everything from Martha Stewart's newest magazine, AND look gorgeous doing it", "Look at all these fabulous quilts/paintings/masterpieces I made with minimal time and effort", and "I'm under 25, totally successful, and generally saving the world in five minutes a day, also I make a killer pot roast".

And then I am sad.

Because the blog of my life is a little more along the lines of "Huzzah! I only had ONE tiny panic attack today!", "Yes I AM wearing real pants, thanks for noticing!", and sometimes "I just want to call my pets 'children' so I can have a valid excuse for not participating in 'normal' society today or possibly ever".

Whenever I read somebody else's blog (which is generally also beautifully color coordinated and has a super cute personalized banner that I can't figure out how to get onto a  page) it makes me feel like a total failure. Because today I did not make a gorgeous quilt, homeschool several children, get a totally homemade meal on the table, or figure out a safe, healthy alternative to Pinesol.

But I did vacuum the living room twice and I cut the dog's toenails.

And in some social circles, that would be considered successful.

I might have to call that a win.

I'll just finish this later. (JK no, I totally won't)

Well. I am doing an excellent job of being disastrous. Only two weeks into the new year and I have already stopped blogging.

After one post.

Go team.

I'm one of those people known as a "serial starter". If it pops into my head I'll do it.

For a while.

Then get bored and stop (or give up).

And probably not come back to whatever it was.  In fact, I started the laundry this afternoon. I just realized I have a wet load in the wash and nothing in the dryer. Laundry, which would take a normal person one afternoon, takes me about three days. Because I start it. Then forget about it (or just ignore it because laundry is stupid).

At the beginning of the year, I decided to make a huuuge life change. This year's mantra is "get shit DONE".

Meaning, stop starting things and never finishing them! I have three quilts I have started and haven't finished. I have an unfinished painting. I have a chair to reupholster and a bed to build. Not to mention all the painting I need to do in the house. Oh. And the other two curtains for the kitchen and the shower curtain. And the curtains for the second bedroom.

And now that I've gotten this far in this post, I'm bored.

I think it's time to go start something else.

Explaining "Fun-employment"

Last night my husband and I went to a holiday block party in our new neighbourhood. Neither one of us are very social so it was really a rough time. It didn't help that most of the other neighbours have lived in the area for many, many years and, apparently, aren't used to meeting new people.

The hardest part about the night was the inevitable "so what do you do?"portion.

I hate this question. Even when I had a "normal" full-time job this question was rough. Categorizing yourself with one word ("I'm a engineer/teacher/manager/ect") is never enough and throwing out your job description("I design production processes for the manufacture of turbine blades", "I substutute teach in X school district in the preK through grade 3 classrooms", "I direct and manage a small nonprofit focused on adult literacy education and advocacy") is usually weird and way too detailed.





But now that I DON'T have a job, "so what do you do" gives me a panic attack.

Smiling blankly and saying "I only just moved here" has worked for me so far, but now I've been here for a little over a month and, unfortunately, that's not going to cut it anymore. I need a succinct, dinner party appropriate answer to explain a novel's worth of information. Yay.

Proposed and consequently rejected answers:
I currently am not working. - This makes me sound lazy.
I am unempoloyed. - Again, makes me sound lazy and makes it sound like I am actively searching for a job (which I am not).
I'm a stay-at-home mom. - This would lead to follow up questions about my children... which I technically do not have.(Let it be known, the cat in my lap disagrees)
I'm a housewife. - This makes me sound uneducated. I have an engineering degree!!
I'm taking a break right now. - Nobody knows how to respond to this one so they tend to just give me a weird, sad smile and wander away.

The problem is that I don't really HAVE an answer for what I'm doing right now, other than generally not holding down a full time job.

Recently, I have been struggling with severe anxiety and chronic depression. Brain chemical imbalance, activate!! So the thought of trying to find a job and consequently go to it everyday is terrifying and horrible. Besides, the last few jobs I had exasperated the situation severely which hasn't helped my wanting to go ahead and find a new one.

Which means that right now I am staying at home, keeping house, walking the dog exorbitant amounts, and making things. I'm currently working on several quilts, trying to illustrate a children's book, and doing some paintings I am selling to a friend.

So I suppose I could say "I'm an artist".