Superpower Reveal!

Ladies and gents, I have a superpower.

I just thought you should know.

The superpower I possess? Supersonic hearing. Or maybe you're looking for more of a layman's term; I have "Mom Ears".

"Mom Ears" enable me to wake from a deep sleep when somebody (ie, cats or a-hole dog) makes a noise in a different part of the house. This includes whining, moaning, scratching, shuffling, and snorting. Especially shuffling, snorting, and scratching in conjunction.

Again, waking from a total dead sleep to jump into action.

"Action", obviously, being me going "THE F-CK ARE YOU DOING???" and sometimes waking up my darling (also sleeping) husband.

Be warned furry children and future human children.

You can't ever be sneaky enough to get away from me. I'm a f-cking superhero.

Blogging: A for Effort?

I keep telling myself I should blog more. And then I don't. Generally because I think of AAAAMAZING blog posts in places like public restrooms and friend's dinner parties and then immediately forget them. I also do the whole "Oh, it's three am and I should be sleeping? Go, brain, go! Think of witty commentary! Plan eloquent soliloquies! Write a novel!" and then I turn on the lights and grab a pen and my brain goes "duuuuuuuhhhhh.......". 

Thanks for nothing, a-hole.

Recently I've been other people's blogs for inspiration (that's actual a lie; I mostly just look at the pictures). I've been reading people's blogs that are titled things like "I have three kids, hold down a job, hand make everything from Martha Stewart's newest magazine, AND look gorgeous doing it", "Look at all these fabulous quilts/paintings/masterpieces I made with minimal time and effort", and "I'm under 25, totally successful, and generally saving the world in five minutes a day, also I make a killer pot roast".

And then I am sad.

Because the blog of my life is a little more along the lines of "Huzzah! I only had ONE tiny panic attack today!", "Yes I AM wearing real pants, thanks for noticing!", and sometimes "I just want to call my pets 'children' so I can have a valid excuse for not participating in 'normal' society today or possibly ever".

Whenever I read somebody else's blog (which is generally also beautifully color coordinated and has a super cute personalized banner that I can't figure out how to get onto a  page) it makes me feel like a total failure. Because today I did not make a gorgeous quilt, homeschool several children, get a totally homemade meal on the table, or figure out a safe, healthy alternative to Pinesol.

But I did vacuum the living room twice and I cut the dog's toenails.

And in some social circles, that would be considered successful.

I might have to call that a win.